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Get the Goss - 12 April 10

 

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DID YOU KNOW ... research says gossip makes us happy!! - long as it's positive ...

Touring Lady GaGa says she's currently CELIBATE, and you don't NEED sex to be loved ...it's that convent upbringing rearing its ugly head again!!

A church in America's fattest city's started a "biggest loser" weight loss programme ... and got OUTSIDE help.  Not the Almighty ... Jamie Oliver!

Katy Perry reckons Jesus looks like Russell Brand ... no, sorry ... other way round ...

Trainee vicar Sheila Bridge has written a book called How To FEEL Good Naked!! ... with thanks to Gok Wan?

Boy George is back with a surprise new single: AMAZING GRACE!! - and he says he DESERVED  prison ... is this the all new George??                                         

The multi millionaire boss of Kwik Save and Total Fitness promised God years ago that if the Almighty made his fortune, he'd give away half ... now he gives away NINETY FIVE PER CENT ...

A man in America was arrested for breaking into a church - with his, er,  "specialist magazine" collection ... how many Hail Marys would you need to get out of that one?!!!

Christian B and B owners who refused to let a gay couple share a bed say they've been inundated with hate mail ...

India's won the World Cup!! - the OTHER one, for street kids ... children from 9 countries played each other in Durban in March, thanks to the Christian Amos Trust ...

Catholic Sinead O'Connor says she passionately believes in Jesus - but the Pope should RESIGN and face court over the child abuse scandal ...

Atheist Richard Dawkins CLOSED part of his website, saying the discussion got too frivolous!

Christians are getting BULLIED out of public life, says a former Archbishop ... but Gordon Brown says they're "the nation's conscience" ...

JESUS has a record deal ... we're talking Madonna's boyfriend, NOT the founder of Christianity ... 

So Christ made number four in the Easter chart ... remember Rage Against the Machine?  Believers staged another online push for the single "History Maker" by religious band Delirious...                                                                                   

A man's spent ages etching the entire Lord's Prayer on to a pin head ... er ... did he happen to mention WHY??

"Lovely Bones" star Saoirse Ronan says the movie made her think there really COULD be an afterlife  ...

The Pope's up for a classical Brit Award ... against born again believer Rhydian from the X Factor.   Tough choice for God ...

Forgiveness is back! (good news for Mark Owen? Ashley Cole?? John Terry??? Tiger Woods????) ... websites called the Public Apology and Perfect Apology dot com report people repenting for EVERYTHING - from not returning library books to dating a mate's ex ... and if you hate this story, we're sorry, ok?   

And Buddhist Tiger Woods admits he's "transgressed" ... now American Christians are on his back saying he needs to convert, cos only Jesus offers forgiveness ...

Burglars beware ... a police chief reports arrests UP and crime DOWN - after he asked local churches to PRAY ...

Churches and charities are gonna become outlaws!  They're calling for a "Robin Hood" tax on BANKS - to raise BILLIONS for world poverty ... in a video at www.robinhoodtax.org, Bill Nighy plays the banker trying to wriggle out of it ... !

Divine intervention?  That's what one amazed doctor suggested when an inoperable brain tumour VANISHED from a little girl's body ...

The Archbish of Canterbury preached against GREED ... and that same week, red-faced Church financiers lost 40 MILLION on Wall Street ...!

Men suffer from GUILT less than women, says a new study ... and in a poll of the world's biggest SINNERS, Australia came top while Brits only made number SIX ...       

Rescued Haitian Evan Muncie, trapped under earthquake rubble for four WEEKS, says a man in white kept bringing him water ...

A Jewish scholar says Tory leader David Cameron may be descended from MOSES ...

Wayne Rooney originally wanted to be a PRIEST ... the would-be Reverend Rooney says it's cos the only subjects he liked at school were PE and RE ...

DIZZEE RASCAL's been revealing backstage secrets! ... seems lots of A listers PRAY before a gig ... and the rascally rapper thinks he probably should as well  ...

Praying is good for your health!  Brain scans show that chatting to the Man Upstairs calms people down and stimulates their nice kind bits ...

Jesus Christ is THE DEAD person most Brits want to meet, says a new study. Err ... isn't he s'posed to be still around??!!

GOD is in favour of great SEX - for marrieds ... So says a Polish priest whose new book "Sex As You DON'T Know It" could become the Catholic Kama Sutra ... look, form a queue!

The church has left the building! Café churches, launched in 2006, have spread like a spilt latte ... Costa Coffee and Gloria Jean's were so impressed they INVITED religious groups into their stores.  So if you don't fancy Christianity with your cappuccino, you've been warned...

A woman declared clinically brain dead in America WOKE UP 15 minutes later - and her family say it's cos they PRAYED in the hospital waiting room ...

Students at Newnham College, Cambridge, have scrapped saying grace cos it's too religious. Now they just say "For food in a hungry world ... we give thanks." Er ... who to?

God Gags
... you're 'aving a laugh ...!

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to film the work being done so the fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

For couples who row over who makes the tea ... it should be the man, according to the BIBLE.  Check out the bit near the end and you find pages headed "Hebrews" ...

NOAH's supposed to have entered the Ark sometime in April 3446 BC. And if you've ever wondered what he did AFTER the flood, there's this pet shop somewhere in Turkey with a sign saying "Buy one, get one free"

Science has advanced so far that a group of scientists got together and told God they could take a handful of dirt and breathe life into it. "Ok," says God, "let's see you try." Trembling with excitement, the chief scientist picks up a shovel. "Hold that thought," says God. "First, find your own dirt!!!"

Hear the one about the little boy who came back from Sunday School and said to his Mum: "Mummy, did you know that when you die, you go and live in Devon?"

God Facts
... it's gospel! Honest ...


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