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Get the Goss - 7 March

DID YOU KNOW ... research says gossip makes us happy!! - long as it's positive ... get your fix here every week ...

JESUS has a record deal ... we're talking Madonna's boyfriend, NOT the founder of Christianity ... 

BUT Christ COULD be number one by Easter!! - remember Rage Against the Machine?  Believers are starting another online push for the single “History Maker” by religious band Delirious...                                                                                  

A man's spent ages etching the entire Lord's Prayer on to a pin head ... er ... did he happen to mention WHY??

“Lovely Bones” star Saoirse Ronan says the movie made her think there really COULD be an afterlife  ...

The Pope's up for a classical Brit Award ... against born again believer Rhydian from the X Factor.   Tough choice for God ...

Forgiveness is back!! (good news for Ashley???) ... websites called the Public Apology and Perfect Apology dot com report people repenting for EVERYTHING - from not returning library books to dating a mate's ex ... and if you hate this story, we're sorry, ok?

And Buddhist Tiger Woods admits he's “transgressed” ... now American Christians are on his back saying he needs to convert, cos only Jesus offers forgiveness ...

The iPhone goes holy ...and there's loads of apps for that: the Bible Shaker (a verse on every subject), the Mizrach compass (points to Jerusalem) and - for when you win the lottery - the Hallelujah button! Shake to play!

Burglars beware ... a police chief reports arrests UP and crime DOWN - after he asked local churches to PRAY ...

Churches and charities are gonna become outlaws!  They're calling for a “Robin Hood” tax on BANKS - to raise BILLIONS for world poverty ... in a video at www.robinhoodtax.org, Bill Nighy plays the banker trying to wriggle out of it ... !

Beatles' drummer Ringo Starr says he's found God ... AND he's quit his 60 a day ...              

Divine intervention?  That's what one amazed doctor suggested when an inoperable brain tumour VANISHED from a little girl's body ...

The Archbish of Canterbury preached against GREED ... and that same week, red-faced Church financiers lost 40 MILLION on Wall Street ...!!

Organisers of the World's Biggest Curry Night say the “Bigger Balti” was an attempt to get MEN going to church ....!!! (apparently, following Jesus is hot stuff.  Geddit?  No??  We tried ...)

Men suffer from GUILT less than women, says a new study ... and in a poll of the world's biggest SINNERS, Australia came top while Brits only made number SIX ...       

A Christian Facebook campaign's won its bid to stop ads for a website promoting ADULTERY ... organisers say they don't want to see adverts encouraging people to cheat, lie, and destroy their families ...

87% of vicars say they're satisfied in their job ... more than any other profession ...     

IN HAITI ...

Haitians gave THANKS among the ruins with a preacher shouting “We're alive by the grace of God” ... these believers, they never give up do they??                              

A mum who stayed by her ruined house PRAYING for her kids saw them pulled out unhurt after 8 DAYS ... first thing her son did was demand a hug ...

And rescued Haitian Evan Muncie, trapped under rubble for four WEEKS, says a man in white kept bringing him water ...

Drop Haiti's debt altogether, says the charity Christian Aid to world governments  ... er, good luck with that one, guys ...

A Jewish scholar says Tory leader David Cameron may be descended from MOSES ...

Wayne Rooney originally wanted to be a PRIEST ... the would-be Reverend Rooney says it's cos the only subjects he liked at school were PE and RE ...

Amy Winehouse has advised her god-daughter to “stay on the right path”.  In other words, do as I say, not as I did ...

DIZZEE RASCAL's been revealing backstage secrets! ... seems lots of A listers PRAY before a gig ... and the rascally rapper thinks he probably should as well  ...

The face of Jesus has appeared on a TOILET DOOR in Glasgow Ikea ... !!!  Seems appropriate really ... you need divine intervention to find your way out of there sometimes  ...

Praying is good for your health!  Brain scans show that chatting to the Man Upstairs calms people down and stimulates their nice kind bits ...

Jesus Christ is THE DEAD person most Brits want to meet, says a new study. Err ... isn't he s'posed to be still around??!!

GOD is in favour of great SEX - for marrieds ... So says a Polish priest whose new book "Sex As You DON'T Know It" could become the Catholic Kama Sutra ... look, form a queue!

The church has left the building! Café churches, launched in 2006, have spread like a spilt latte (and this is weird: they were invented by the Rev Cid Latty!!). Costa Coffee and Gloria Jean's were so impressed they invited organisers to start religious gatherings in their stores. So if you don't fancy Christianity with your cappuccino, you've been warned...

A woman declared clinically brain dead in America WOKE UP 15 minutes later - and her family say it's cos they PRAYED in the hospital waiting room ...

Students at Newnham College, Cambridge, have scrapped saying grace cos it's too religious. Now they just say "For food in a hungry world ... we give thanks." Er ... who to?

God Gags
... you're 'aving a laugh ...!

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to film the work being done so the fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

For couples who row over who makes the tea ... it should be the man, according to the BIBLE.  Check out the bit near the end and you find pages headed "Hebrews" ...

NOAH's supposed to have entered the Ark sometime in April 3446 BC. And if you've ever wondered what he did AFTER the flood, there's this pet shop somewhere in Turkey with a sign saying "Buy one, get one free"

Science has advanced so far that a group of scientists got together and told God they could take a handful of dirt and breathe life into it. "Ok," says God, "let's see you try." Trembling with excitement, the chief scientist picks up a shovel. "Hold that thought," says God. "First, find your own dirt!!!"

Hear the one about the little boy who came back from Sunday School and said to his Mum: "Mummy, did you know that when you die, you go and live in Devon?"

God Facts
... it's gospel! Honest ...


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